In a stunning intergalactic revelation this Tuesday, astronauts aboard the International Space Station (ISS) reported a mysterious Unidentified Floating Object (UFO) drifting nearby — only to discover it was Dave from mission control’s legendary peanut butter and jelly sandwich, long thought lost in the vacuum of space.

"We initially thought it was an extraterrestrial probe," said Commander Zog von Astro, who has been orbiting Earth for approximately 3.5 years and counting. "But after a closer look, it was just Dave’s lunch doing a slow-motion spacewalk. We even considered sending it a greeting card."

NASA officials confirmed that Dave’s sandwich, a heroic snack hero, had somehow escaped its containment bag during a routine snack time and had become the subject of intense speculation among the crew. "We were all bracing for first contact with alien life," said astronaut Luna McGalaxy. "Turns out, the only alien was a jelly stain on the ISS wall."

Despite the anticlimactic nature of the discovery, the incident has sparked a new initiative called the "Snack Safety in Space" program, aimed at preventing future cosmic food escapes. As for Dave, he remains optimistic: "Maybe next time, my sandwich will be the one to make contact. Or at least get me a soda."

In the end, the ISS crew has learned a valuable lesson: when you’re millions of miles from home, sometimes the most mysterious things are just your own lunch floating away.