In an unprecedented move that has left urban planners scratching their heads, Mayor Gertrude Gravel announced yesterday that her administration is "officially at war" with the city's notorious potholes — and not just metaphorically. "Enough is enough," declared Mayor Gravel from the steps of City Hall, clad in full military fatigues and wielding what appeared to be a giant foam finger shaped like a hammer. "Our potholes have terrorized drivers for far too long. Today, we take the battle to them!"

The city's newly formed "Asphalt Assault Division" has already begun mobilizing with surprising enthusiasm. Witnesses report seeing tanks, drones, and even a squadron of trained squirrels armed with tiny paint rollers patrolling the streets. "Those potholes don't stand a chance," said General Chip Crater, commander of the division. "We've got thermal imaging to detect potholes hiding under leaves, and our secret weapon — the Sonic Pothole-Displacer 3000 — is set to 'obliterate' their very existence."

Not everyone is on board, however. Local resident and self-proclaimed "Pothole Whisperer," Mildred P. Patch, expressed concern that the aggressive tactics might "damage the delicate ecosystem" of the potholes, which she argues have "feelings too." Meanwhile, insurance companies are reportedly thrilled, anticipating a sharp decline in claims for tire damage — as long as citizens survive the collateral chaos.

As night falls, the city awaits the first official battle report. When asked if the war declaration might be a bit extreme, Mayor Gravel smiled confidently: "When life gives you potholes, you don't just fill them—you declare war. This isn't just pothole season; it's pothole apocalypse."

City officials have promised daily updates, including a live stream of the "Pothole Front Lines," complete with commentary from the asphalt analysts. Citizens are advised to watch from safe distances and to "keep your helmets on and your wheels ready."

Disclaimer: No potholes were harmed in the making of this article. Or were they?