In an unprecedented move that has city officials both baffled and slightly amused, Mayor Linda Gravel has officially declared war on potholes — and she means it literally. Yesterday morning, the Mayor held a press conference flanked by uniformed soldiers, drones, and an inexplicably enthusiastic marching band, announcing that the city’s Department of Public Works would be replaced by an elite "Pothole Combat Unit."

"No more will we tolerate these craterous villains destroying our roads and causing flat tires," Mayor Gravel proclaimed, pointing dramatically toward a particularly nasty pothole on Main Street. "We are deploying armored tanks, artillery, and perhaps even a few trained pigeons to bombard these holes into oblivion!"

The decision came after years of failed attempts to fill potholes with traditional materials like asphalt and cold patch. "I tried fixing it with my own hands," lamented local resident and self-proclaimed "Pothole Warrior" Jerry McFlat. "But every morning I woke up, the potholes were bigger, angrier — it was like a bad sci-fi movie!"

Critics argue that the war effort may be a bit over the top — especially given the collateral damage to sidewalks, lampposts, and an unfortunate statue of the city’s founder, which now sports what some are calling "modern abstract art" caused by stray tank shells. However, Mayor Gravel remains undeterred, declaring, "If we don’t fight potholes with military-grade enthusiasm, who will?"

In the meantime, citizens are advised to avoid the "combat zones" or risk being drafted into the city’s volunteer pothole dance squad, a surprisingly popular side effect of the ongoing conflict.