In a world where smartphone batteries barely survive a day, Technium Inc. has allegedly flipped the script by releasing the "EternaCharge 3000," a phone battery that reportedly lasts 10 years without a single recharge. Skeptics have dismissed the claim as the most elaborate April Fools' joke ever told in June.

"I fully charged it back in 2014," said fictional early adopter Gary Infinite. "I’m still waiting for it to die, but all it’s done is send me notifications about my high cholesterol and remind me I haven’t called my mom. It’s suspiciously immortal."

Dr. Ima Skeptic, a renowned battery scientist who hasn’t charged her phone since 2013 because it died, expressed doubts. "If this battery really lasts a decade, it’s either a miracle or the phone is secretly powered by a hamster on a wheel. We tested it by throwing it off a roof, and it just called 911 itself. Either it’s sentient or the battery is endless."

Technium Inc. refused to confirm or deny whether the EternaCharge 3000 doubles as a time machine or a portal to another dimension, fueling rumors that the phone’s secret lies in a miniature black hole inside the battery casing. Meanwhile, early adopters report existential questions when trying to update apps that no longer exist.

In conclusion, whether the 10-year battery is a technological breakthrough or an elaborate prank, one thing is certain: the EternaCharge 3000 will outlast your will to keep up with software updates. So until someone officially proves otherwise, experts advise charging your skepticism along with your phone—or maybe just invest in a good old-fashioned sundial.