In a stunning breakthrough that has both baffled scientists and delighted procrastinators, the newly released ChronoPhone X claims its battery can last an astonishing 10 years on a single charge. Skeptics are calling it "the biggest technological hoax since the iPotato," while fans have reportedly started treating their devices like immortal pets.

"I charged it once in 2024 and I’m still waiting for it to die," said local tech enthusiast Becky Byte, who now refuses to buy new phones "because this one is basically eternal." Her friend, Jerry Geekman, meanwhile, suspects something more sinister: "I’m pretty sure this phone is a secret government time machine. Either that or it’s powered by the tears of frustrated app developers."

The ChronoPhone X’s battery technology reportedly involves quantum flux capacitors, nano-pixie dust, and a small hamster on a wheel—though the company won’t confirm which. Tech experts have advised the public to "keep calm and carry on charging," but many have already taken to carrying their phones around in glass cases, complete with tiny velvet ropes and "Do Not Touch" signs.

In a final twist, one user claims their ChronoPhone started sending texts from the future, including a message warning, "Don’t forget to buy more snacks in 2032." Whether this is a software glitch or actual proof of time travel remains to be seen. Until then, users agree on one thing: if the battery really lasts a decade, the age of "low battery anxiety" is officially over—unless, of course, you lose your charger first.