SACRAMENTO, CA — In an unprecedented move to combat the nation’s grumpiness epidemic, California lawmakers have introduced the "Mandatory Happiness Act," requiring all residents to exhibit genuine smiles or risk being fined and subjected to mandatory tickle sessions. The bill, which passed unanimously on Tuesday, aims to ensure that every Golden State citizen maintains a minimum daily happiness quotient of 87.3%.

Under the new law, Californians must carry a "Smile Tracker" — a small device that measures facial muscle activity to confirm the authenticity of smiles. Officials warn that "fake smiles" will be detected and punished accordingly. "Our state motto might as well be 'California: The Happiest Place on Earth,'" said Senator Sunny Daybright, the bill’s chief sponsor. "If you’re having a bad day, we’re here to fix that — whether you like it or not."

The Department of Happiness Enforcement (DHE), newly established to oversee the program, has already recruited hundreds of agents trained in tickling techniques. "Tickling is scientifically proven to elicit laughter," explained DHE Director Chuckles McGee. "We take our job seriously. No frowns allowed."

Not everyone is thrilled. Local resident Grumpy Gus expressed concerns: "I was just enjoying my sulk time when an agent tried to tickle me into giggles. Now I have to schedule my grumpiness around their office hours!" Despite protests, officials assure that mandatory happiness is here to stay. As one DHE agent put it, "Resistance is futile. You will smile. Or else."