In a revelation that has rocked the entertainment world and baffled costume departments everywhere, beloved actor Chris Starlington has been unveiled as not one, but three children cleverly disguised in a trench coat. The discovery happened during a particularly enthusiastic emoji-filled acceptance speech at the Golden Globes, when the actor’s trench coat suddenly slipped, revealing the pint-sized performers beneath.

"We always suspected something was up," admitted longtime co-star Jenna Fluffins. "Chris’s sudden mood swings, the uncanny ability to reach the top shelf without a ladder, and the fact that he never seemed to need a bathroom break—now it all makes sense!"

The trio, who go by the names Timmy, Joey, and Lily, claim the arrangement was "a creative experiment to break into Hollywood without a casting agent." When asked about their future plans, Timmy said, "We’re working on perfecting our synchronized eyebrow raise for auditions. Also, Joey’s trying to learn guitar, but fingers are a bit cramped."

Industry insiders are already scrambling to rewrite contracts, with some studios expressing cautious optimism. Talent agent Rick Bumblebee commented, "It’s the most complex talent ensemble I’ve ever represented. Negotiations will involve snack scheduling and choreographing coat adjustments. But hey, if it lands another blockbuster, I’m all in."

As for Chris Starlington’s fans, the consensus seems to be one of amusement and admiration. After all, it takes a special kind of teamwork to pull off Hollywood’s most elaborate trench coat trick. Stay tuned—this story is only getting longer (and taller).