In an unprecedented move to combat what officials are calling an epidemic of "noisy noggins," New York City is considering legislation that would ban the act of loud thinking in public spaces. The proposed "Quiet Mind Act" aims to silence the booming inner monologues that city dwellers reportedly broadcast to anyone within earshot.

"It's gotten out of hand," said City Council member Ima Quietus, the bill’s chief sponsor. "Just last week, I was on the subway and heard a man loudly contemplating his grocery list for a solid seven minutes. Seven minutes! Who needs to hear someone decide between kale and spinach that loudly?"

The bill proposes fines ranging from $50 to $500 for offenders caught thinking too loudly, with repeat offenders potentially being sentenced to mandatory silent meditation retreats. "We’re not trying to stifle creativity," reassured Quietus, "just the kind of creativity that sounds like a foghorn in a library."

Local residents have mixed feelings. "I prefer my thoughts to be a personal soundtrack," said Sylvia Muffleton, a self-described ‘internal whisperer.’ Meanwhile, Tony Loudbrain, a self-proclaimed loud thinker, fears the worst: "What’s next? Banning daydreaming that’s too vivid?"

If passed, New York would become the first city to legally regulate the volume of cognitive processes, a development some psychologists say could spark a nationwide trend of "quiet minds and quieter lives." For now, only time will tell if the city that never sleeps can also be the city that never thinks too loudly.