NEW YORK CITY — In a move that has residents scratching their heads (and possibly muttering their confusion aloud), New York City Council is considering legislation to ban "loud thinking" in public spaces. The proposed "Quiet Minds Act" aims to curb the disruptive noise pollution allegedly caused by people thinking too loudly — yes, apparently a thing — across parks, subways, and coffee shops.

"We've all been there," said Councilwoman Mindy Whisper, the bill's lead sponsor. "You're trying to enjoy a quiet bagel, and suddenly someone's internal monologue about whether pineapple belongs on pizza blasts through your eardrums. It's chaos. We need peace and silent brains."

The bill defines "loud thinking" as any audible expression of one's inner thoughts, from muttering existential dread to loudly pondering dinner options. Violators could face fines ranging from $50 to a lifetime ban from Times Square, whichever the judge deems more effective. Critics argue that enforcing such a law would be virtually impossible, given the difficulty of distinguishing between a loud thought and a regular conversation.

"I was thinking about my rent, and next thing you know, a cop tells me to zip it," complained local artist Jimmy "Mumbles" O’Hara. "How am I supposed to survive in New York if I can’t even loudly question my life choices in peace?"

As the city debates this unprecedented measure, experts warn that banning loud thinking might lead to an uptick in silent but dramatic eyebrow raises and suspicious stares, potentially making New Yorkers even more enigmatic than usual. For now, the only thing truly loud in NYC remains the subway during rush hour — and nobody's brave enough to mess with that.

"If you can't think out loud, where's the fun?" Whisper mused. "Maybe we'll just pass a law requiring everyone to wear thought-bubbles instead."