In a move that has left residents simultaneously baffled and amused, New York City officials are considering a groundbreaking ordinance to ban "loud thinking" in public spaces. The proposed legislation, dubbed the "Quiet Minds Act," aims to curb the growing epidemic of audible internal monologues that, according to city council member Gloria McWhisper, "have been disrupting the delicate soundscape of honking cars and angry subway performers."

"We love a good brainstorm," McWhisper explained at yesterday's press conference, "but when Harold from Brooklyn loudly debates whether to have pizza or bagels for breakfast three blocks away, it becomes a public nuisance. People shouldn't have to endure his existential crunch."

The initiative reportedly began after a viral video showed a commuter visibly distressed by a fellow passenger's loud pondering over which socks to wear, leading to what psychologists are calling "cognitive noise pollution." Local therapist Dr. Penelope Sigh said, "It's not that people don't think—they just don't need to advertise their thought process like a Broadway musical."

Reaction from New Yorkers has been mixed. Marcus, a self-proclaimed "loud thinker," sighed dramatically, "If I can't think out loud, how will my ideas ever get any volume? Next thing you know, they’ll ban singing in the shower!" Meanwhile, subway musician Jazzy Jane welcomed the proposal: "Finally, some peace. I can't compete with the guy in front of me narrating his grocery list."

While enforcement details are still fuzzy, the city plans to deploy "Thought Police" equipped with noise-cancelling headphones and clipboard surveys. For now, experts advise residents to keep their internal debates to a whisper—or risk a citation and mandatory meditation classes. As New Yorkers brace for a quieter future, one thing is clear: even in the city that never sleeps, it might soon be the city that never thinks loudly either.