In an unprecedented turn of events that has left Londoners both shocked and mildly impressed, London Bridge actually fell down—this time for real. After centuries of nursery rhyme skepticism, the iconic bridge decided to live up to its reputation and collapse yesterday afternoon, causing an impromptu water park experience on the Thames and a significant boost in duck attendance.

Eyewitnesses report that the bridge gave a theatrical creak before dramatically toppling into the river, sending tourists scrambling and pigeons doing synchronized dives. Local tour guide Nigel Puddleton commented, "I always thought it was just a song, you know? But when I saw it start to wobble, I figured it was time to update my resume. Also, I’m really glad I left my sandwich behind."

The Mayor of London issued a statement promising a "fully operational, absolutely un-falling replacement bridge" by next year, unless the city council decides to just build a giant hammock across the river instead. Meanwhile, street musicians have reported a sharp decline in revenue, as the usual crowd has been too busy watching actual destruction to sing along.

In a surprising twist, local children have been spotted no longer chanting the famous rhyme, opting instead for "The London Bridge Just Fell," set to a catchy dubstep beat. Experts say this could be the start of a new cultural era where bridges do what they say on the tin, and nursery rhymes finally get a reality check. For now, Londoners are advised to avoid crossing the river unless they fancy a swim—or a kayak.

Remember folks, this is satire, so don’t start building your own bridges just yet—especially if you only know the song and not the engineering.