In an unprecedented turn of events, London Bridge has finally decided to live up to the nursery rhyme and actually fallen down — this time, for real. Early Tuesday morning, pedestrians reported hearing a suspicious creak followed by an enthusiastic collapse, leaving the Thames looking significantly less bridgy.

Eyewitness Geraldine Puddlewhip, who was casually enjoying her morning crumpet nearby, remarked, "I always thought it was a metaphor, but no, it just literally toppled over. I half-expected a giant to come and put it back together with some magic glue, but alas, no such luck."

City officials were quick to respond, with Transport Minister Nigel Wobbleton stating, "We've already commissioned a team of highly qualified squirrels to assess the damage. Early reports suggest the bridge was tired of the same old nursery rhyme and wanted a change of pace. We respect that. Next on the agenda: teaching Big Ben to sing karaoke."

As Londoners adjust to the new 'bridge-free' lifestyle, local tea shops have reported a 300% increase in sales, with many residents gathering for impromptu biscuit-fueled brainstorming sessions on how to rebuild the iconic structure. In a surprise twist, the London Bridge Experience gift shop has started selling 'I Survived the Real London Bridge Fall' mugs, which critics are calling "both morbid and excellent."

In conclusion, while the bridge may have fallen down this time, the spirit of London remains unshaken — albeit slightly more soggy. As one anonymous pigeon put it, "Finally, some excitement around here. Maybe next they'll teach the Tower of London to dance."