In a shocking turn of events that experts say "definitely wasn't scheduled," London Bridge has, in fact, fallen down — and this time, there's no nursery rhyme to soothe the chaos. Early Tuesday morning, the iconic structure reportedly gave up on its centuries-long commitment to standing and decided to take an unscheduled nap in the River Thames.

Eyewitnesses described a scene of "stunning disbelief" as chunks of the bridge gently plopped into the water with a sound akin to a thousand teacups breaking simultaneously. "I thought it was just an elaborate flash mob or some new art installation," said tourist Margaret Puddlewick, who was busy filming the event on her phone. "But then the pigeons started wearing tiny helmets, and I realized this was serious."

City officials were quick to assure residents that the collapse was "entirely intentional," citing the bridge’s lifelong ambition to finally enjoy retirement. "London Bridge has been working nonstop since Roman times," explained spokesperson Nigel Brickstone. "It's our understanding that it simply wanted a break, perhaps even a career change to something less stressful, like competitive swimming."

In response, local musicians immediately began rehearsing a new anthem titled "London Bridge is Really Gone, Honestly This Time," while souvenir shops reported a sudden spike in demand for miniature bridge floaties. As engineers scramble to piece the structure back together — or maybe build a giant inflatable replacement — the people of London are left wondering if Big Ben will be next on a spontaneous holiday. One thing is certain: the beloved rhyme will need a serious rewrite, and maybe a disclaimer reading, "For entertainment purposes only."